Toilet training – what to do when it’s not going so well
There’s lots of information about starting toilet training, but not so much on how to manage regression. This is a common stage in the process of supporting children to learn what’s involved in using a toilet, or potty.
What is toilet training regression?
Like many other life skills, learning to be fully competent is rarely one dimensional.As adults, we tend to learn new skills at a steady pace.However, young children generally take a few steps forward and then one or two back, especially when they’re toilet training.
Although it can be hard for parents to feel as if their child really is progressing with toilet training, in many cases of regression toddlers tend to pick up where they left off. It may seem as if they’ve forgotten everything they learned, but most kids retain the basics, even if it may not seem that way.
Toilet training basics
- Toilet training relies on a range of developmental and learned behavioural skills.
- Most children are ready to start toilet training between the ages of 2-3 years of age. The average age for toilet training for wee is 3 and closer to 3.5 years for poo.
- Every child is a unique individual and will develop these skills in their own good time.
- Girls tend to be more mature than boys in learning what’s involved in using a toilet.
- There can be a difference of a year or more between day and night time dryness. Bed wetting is common until around 7 years of age, especially if there is a family history.
- It’s important for parents to be relaxed and calm about toilet training.
- Planning for a quiet and otherwise stress-free time in the household can help to support toilet training.
Why has my child regressed?
Small children can be complex little beings and it’s not always clear why they behave as they do. Often there is no obvious reason why a child has regressed. Sometimes it’s as simple as the rewards for toilet training being stopped or the child has lost interest. What was new and exciting has now become pretty routine so their motivation has waned.
It can help for parents to remember that children don’t learn skills based on their development in other areas. And some weeks it can seem they learn lots of new skills, then have periods where they don’t seem to be learning as much.Children often need to ‘catch up’ in their skill development as their energy and focus has been invested into other areas.
Children tend to thrive on predictability and structure. When there are changes in the household or their routine, they will often react by reverting in their behaviour.
Common reasons for toilet training regression
Sometimes the reason for regression is obvious and other times not so clear:
- A change in care providers. Starting childcare or preschool, increasing days or going to a new centre.
- A new baby coming into the family.
- Changes in the family structure – parental conflict, separation.
- A recent significant event in the family e.g. death.
- Disruption in the family home e.g. moving house, moving rooms to allow for a new baby.
- Changes in a child’s diet or medication.
- Medical reasons – constipation, urinary tract infection or other medical issue.
What can help when my child has regressed?
It can be helpful to have a check with the GP to rule out any medical reasons for toilet training regression. An infection or constipation may be the cause and if not treated, getting back on track is going to be challenging.
You are the expert in your own child so trust your instincts if you feel something is not right.
Consider going back to basics and starting at the beginning again. Sometimes it’s necessary for children to go back into nappies, at least for a short while until they are ready to start again. It could also help to think about the skills your child has mastered and move forwards from there. For example, if they will still sit on the toilet or potty, keep this habit going while you focus on them doing a wee or poo.
Invest time into getting your child’s attention when it’s time they go to the toilet. Young children can become fully engrossed in play so they’re too busy to stop and go. In the early days of toilet training and when managing regression, it can help children to be taken to the toilet every couple of hours and after meals, rather than waiting until they give signs or say they want to go.
Review your child’s diet and make sure they’re drinking plenty of water and eating fibre rich foods. If they’ve passed small hard poos which are painful to pass, they may be hesitant to poo and then hold on, no matter how much they want to go.
Sometimes children can ‘soil’, rather than do poos which are formed. Soiling means they frequently pass small amounts of wet poo.This can be a sign of constipation where there is leakage around the bulkier poositting in the bowel.
Children who have been constipated for many months are likely to need laxative medications for several months, as well as being supported to have healthy bowel habits. Check with your GP if you’re concerned.
References
Constipation - symptoms and treatment | healthdirect
Kids Health Information : Constipation (rch.org.au)
Toilet Training | Continence Foundation of Australia
Written for BabyU by Jane Barry, Midwife and Child Health Nurse, August 2024.